He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
