i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
