She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
