I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
