True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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