if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
