I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
