thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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