Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
