well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
