can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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