if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
