You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
