he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
