wrigley field is MILF paradise
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
