I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
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We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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