I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
