dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
