R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
