my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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