wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
