I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize