Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize