6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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