thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
