she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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