Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
