So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
