is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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