You can't special order awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize