shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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