WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
