As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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