Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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