I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
