he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
