you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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