Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
