its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
