it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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