It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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