please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
