so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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