i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
