I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
