a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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