We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
