this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
