i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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