Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
