even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
