She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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