Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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