Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
