Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
