and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
