Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
