No, drunk sperm still make babies.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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