Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
