It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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