Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
