Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I look better un-naked...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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