Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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