I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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