I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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