I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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