Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
