I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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